Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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