I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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