I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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