No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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