did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
