my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
