On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
