I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
