Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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