did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
