got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
