I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
