I didn't shave. On purpose
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
