you traded sex for a burrito?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
