i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize