The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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