There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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