Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
