He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
