dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
