yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
