Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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