idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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