im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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