Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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