yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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