its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
