Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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