Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
