Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
