You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
