dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is wine microwaveable?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
