How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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