I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
