hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
