my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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