I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
