i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
