party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
