I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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