Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
