The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
