When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
