Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
