It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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