it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
