Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
