his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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