So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
