Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize