he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
