i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
