Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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