Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
