I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
