sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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