You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
