How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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