I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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