actually, I'm a sock model
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
