I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
