YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
