This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
